Kneading Brotherhood, A New Approach to Men to Men Relationships

     I am baker at heart.   I love everything about making bread,  from the feel of the dough to forming loaves and the smell as it bakes in the oven and of course who does not love the taste of fresh baked bread right out of the oven.  It is an amazing thing when you think about it, the bueaty of fresh baked bread.   Simple ingredients and a little mixing, and some patience and the result if food that taste and smells like it comes directly from heaven.  

     For the past year and a half I have been working with men who struggle with forming healthy man to man relationships, from SGA to homophobic men,  from men who are jocks to feminine, I have discovered that most men no matter where they are in life need other men in their lives.  It is just a plain and simple fact we need each other.  Some more then others and in a variety of many different ways.  

     The huge problem in today's world is that we have no idea how to make and keep these amazing relationships with everything that we are being bombarded with.  We have do idea how to develop healthy clean uplifting relationships with other men.  By that I mean having a man friend that is not a sex partner.  Having a man friend that is a huge part of your life in a very intimate personal way that builds and lifts without having inappropriate sexual relations.  Inappropriate would simply mean doing anything that is contrary to God's law.  I don't need to go into detail about that here, but I think you know what I mean.  

     In the process of working with these amazing men, I have developed a seminar to help men get on track.  It is a one night event called Kneading Brotherhood.  I have taken my passion for baking bread and developed a wonderful insightful evening designed to help men understand just who they are are how they can develop meaning healthy relationships with other men.  

     The course starts out by all attending making bread by hand and as it progresses they are taught principles and steps about how to develop great healthy male relationships.  

The course outlines some of the following topics.

     Who am I really...

     Same Gender Attraction,  how to deal with those feelings in today's world.

     Appropriate Touch

     Connecting with others.

     Man's Body

The course is taught in such a way that that those attending leave knowing exactly how to make bread, and they leave with a greater understanding about men relationships and how to develop them. 

 I have had great success this past year in teaching these principles and am so excited to offer this Amazing Seminar.  

The class includes a bread bucket, a Danish dough hook, batch of bread dough, laminated recipes and the lamenated steps to building healthy relationships with others.  

The cost in only $300 per person and only six to eight men are allowed to attend each seminar  The cost also includes one, one hour, one on one session with me after they have attended the course.  My normal coaching rate is $100 per hour.  

You can email me at www.jademenarizona@gmail.com  if you or someone you know is interested in attending this seminar.  A Kneading Brotherhood Seminar is a Life Changing Event.  

The First 8 people who respond will receive a $75 discount.  The first class will be on Wednesday night May 6th.  

Have a Joyous Day~Brad

If you are interested in attending a Kneading Brotherhood Seminar or just want more information our contact information is on the side bar.   If you have personal stories or questions you can e-mail me at the same address.  

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I AM NOT GAY....But....

     My daughter last night told me she was talking with a friend and the friend asked her "Is your father gay?".  Needless to say my daughter was shocked.  The friend told her that is the rumor going around, that her dad is gay.  He said it had something to do with a blog or something like that.  My sweet daughter kindly informed him that no, her Dad was not gay.  She said that he was a kind man and yes he did love other men, but mostly assuredly he was not gay.

     If the story stopped or started there it would be fine, but as it continues,  my wife get comments from long term friends with statements like "I knew your husband was gay" or " Is Brad gay and how are you with that".  Or people will tell me that their first impression of was that I was gay. Amazing that people can assume so much from statements made, first impressions, rumors,  or titles off my Blog.

     It is obvious to me that they have never taken the time to read the entire blog and really don't know me at all.  If they had read the blog or knew me, they would understand and realize that I am not a Gay man.  It is obvious to me that they are part of that judgmental closed-minded group of people that assume if you don't fit the norm of what a man should be you must be Gay.

    Wake up world.  That is part of the problem.  What gives you the right to place names on people because they don't fit your mold?  Cannot a man voice personal feelings of tender feelings towards another man and not be labeled Gay?  Where is it written that if a man loves another man that he must be Gay?   Why can two women have a tender relationship and it is considered normal, but if two  men desire a more personal intimate friendship they are considered Gay or something is wrong with them.

Cannot a man be tender?
Cannot a man be sensitive?
Cannot a man be feminine?
Cannot a man hug another man?
Cannot a man embrace another man?
Cannot a man crave friendship with another man?
Cannot a man be emotional?'
Cannot a man be not be a jock?
Cannot a man love chick flicks?
Cannot a man cry in public?
Cannot a man need to be understood?
Cannot a man find another man attractive?
Cannot a man be attracted to another man?

    I say yes to all of the above.  They can do those and more and not be a Gay man.

A Gay man is a man who willingly participates in inappropriate sexual conduct with another man.  PERIOD

With that definition,  I AM NOT A GAY MAN.  I have no desire to have that type of relationship with another man.

Just in case you have not read my blog is it all about creating healthy relationships with men.  It is about teaching men who struggle Same Gender Attraction and don't know what to do.  It's about men who just want healthy friendships with other men and don't quit know what to do.  Does that mean I am Gay because I see and understand a need in our society?  Evidently it does or so it would seem by the comments of some.

Please find out all the facts before you label anyone.  Regardless of whether it has to do with SGA, or any other things you might not understand.  We have to be cautious as we judge others.  Feelings can be tender and bruised easily by words or actions spoken in hast without knowing all the facts and the person.

On a better note,  thanks to all of you who understand and support what I am doing and have taken the time to read my blog or simply ask me where I stand.  I appreciate your support and love.

Have a great day.
Brad

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JADE Meeting, What is a JADE meeting?

    A little over a year ago we created JADE, Jonathan and David Experience, with the hopes of reaching out and helping all men create healthy man to man relationships.  The meeting is designed from those struggling with Same Gender issues to men who just don't know how to create healthy friendships and feel a need for that in their lives.  Our goal from the beginning to be a support for all men has not changed,  if anything our commitment has increased and our desire grown.

     Over this past year I have learned so much that it would be impossible to put in all down.  I would have to say that the most important thing I have learned is the basic inborn desire all men have to connect with other men.   The need arises from all different reasons and causes.  But no matter where is comes from or what the reason, men need other men in their lives.

     Our goal at JADE is to help men understand how to create those meaningful relationships and still stay focused on Christ.  I have come to understand that what the world is teaching is false and wrong.  They declare that men are meant to fulfill what ever the desire or need,  but as we understand Christ and his teachings we are to keep all desires within the bonds he has set.  As we do so we can find comfort and safety.  That does not mean we do not develop deep meaningful relationships with men.  I have learned and know it to be true that men can love each other deeply and learn to express that love to each other and never have to follow what the world is telling them to do.  Men can have meaningful deep loving relationships without sex or anything that would put in jeopardy their relationship with Christ.

     Each month we have a monthly meeting were we meet to discuss issues, support each other,  and learn better how to develop healthy relationships with other men.  I love these meetings and look forward to them each month and the association with men of integrity and strength.  These men all have different struggles,  like we all do,  and come to learn how to deal with them and to receive strength and support from other men who struggle.

      The meeting is open to all men who sincerely want to develop strong Christ like relationships with other men.  It is not a place to "hook up", but a place to meet and support.

     Often times we cook,  I have learned that we all love food and it is a great way to get to know each  other better.  We always have a lesson and we close with two activities that build and strengthen each other.

      I am inviting all men who feel the need to have healthy relationships with other men but don't understand how to do it in today's world that claims if we desire those type of relationships something must be wrong with us, to come and join us.  Come and learn what JADE is all about.  We meet every month on the first Tuesday at 7:00 pm.

You can email me at chef@chefbrad.com for more information.

Looking forward to  seeing you at a  future JADE meeting.


This month's meeting is an out side pizza party.

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Love Between Two Men, God's Way

    Life is an ever learning experience and each day brings growth and understanding as we move forward with faith and confidence that there is a God in Heaven and he is aware of us and our trails and struggles.

      Recently I was reading an article from one of my favorite sites,  The Good Man Project.  I love that site,  they have often some very good articles about life,  especially about being a man in today's world.  Some are really liberal, but there are many very good articles.  The one I was reading was titled "He and I Were Lovers But I Didn't Know It.

     That article prompted this article from me.  The more and more I read and study about SGA,  I am amazed at what the world is teaching us and how quickly we fall into what they are saying.  The "Gay" community would have us believe that most men to men relationships when there is an attraction should be sexual and that is the only way it can be.  Fact in point,  the average gay man will have over 1000 different partners in his lifetime. ( Source, Myth of Nonsexual Monogamy  www.advindicate.com )  That is pretty good evidence that they believe men relationships are all about sex.

     I have learned some pretty amazing things in my journey, especially when it comes to men relationships and sex.  My heart aches when I see many men making choices that bring sadness and discouragement into their lives all for sex.  We are taught that the Natural Man is an Enemy to God,  Just what does that mean?   For me,  I believe that it means that when we follow the natural man we do things that are contrary to what God would have us do.  The world is all about following the natural man,  if you feel it do it.  That seems to be the common practice and council that is given.  A friend recently asked a councilor about some feelings he was having regarding SGA,  his advice was if he felt it, to act.  That is totally in contradiction to what God would have us do.  Just because we feel something or are moved in a certain way does not make it right.  We must take what we feel and make sure it is in perfect harmony with the teachings of God.  If it is not in harmony with his teachings then those feelings are coming from the Natural Man.  Remember, the Natural Man is an Enemy to God,  always has been and always will be.  

     Sex out side of the ordained marriage of man and woman is simply wrong. Regardless of what the world would say, that law will never change.   We are taught that sexual relationships are to be reserved between and man and woman who are married.  God condones that and only that.   

     The world would have us believe that if we love someone the natural thing to do is to show that love in a sexual way.  We are taught to believe that we cannot really love someone and not participate in sex.  Love and sex are two powerful and separate things.  Sex in a God ordained relationship enhances love and tenderness.  Sex outside of that brings sorrow and heartache.  It is not about love, it is about giving in to the Natural Man when we choose to have sexual relationships with those God has not approved.  

     I have learned and have to come to understand in a very deep way that two men can love each other with all their hearts without having a physically sexual relationship.   This may come to a surprise to the world, but is it totally possible for men to love each other without sex.  In fact I will state that the love between two men that do not add sex to the relationship becomes sweeter and deeper and more meaningful over time.   There is a greater sense of respect and when the natural man is put aside the relationship takes on a spiritual side that is impossible to reach when sex is involved.  

     The Natural Man is an Enemy to God especially when it comes to man to man relationships.  Sex is not needed, even though the feelings are strong and the desire might be great, that does not make it right.  Keeping in line with the truths that have been taught from the very beginning and are still in effect is what matters most and when we do follow Gods law we find in our relationships a greater strength and peace that can only come from obedience.  

     As modern day Christian Men, we need to put aside the Natural Man and in the process love our brothers as Christ would,  completely, honestly, and with integrity and goodness.  As we do this our lives can become filled with meaningful deep loving relationships that will bless us in ways the Natural Man cannot begin to understand.  When we put aside the Natural Man understanding begins to flow into our hearts and minds that gives us the strength to Love and be Loved in a deep meaningful way where sex in not even desired, wanted, or needed.   

Brad

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I have a Question? About Hugs....

       I receive frequent comments and questions on how men should act and what is appropriate man behavior.  I think we are confused in today's world on really what is acceptable behavior for men.  So I would like to address 3 of those questions in this blog with more to come, that I feel need to be openly discussed and viewed.

#1  Is it appropriate for men to hug other men?
Absolutely.  Hugging is an amazing way to express appreciation, loyalty, admiration, respect, friendship, and yes love.  Hugging is also a very amazing way to feel another mans spirit and build a stronger friendship.   Hugging actually can be a very personal revealing experience that takes down walls and opens hearts to better communication and understanding.

#2  How long should a hug last and what is considered appropriate and acceptable?
There are of course those quick slap on the back hugs that most men are comfortable with.  They last 2 to 5 seconds and it's over.  To get the real benefit out of a hug try hugging for more then 15 seconds.  It sounds like a short time, but for most men it seems like an eternity.  I personally like longer hugs where you actually hold rather then hug.  Meaning you hold the other man long enough to feel his spirit and give back.   It ultimately depends on the situation.  Some times hugs need only last a few seconds,  but there are times when a longer hug in needed and appreciated.   To be perfectly honest there are men out there that actually need to be hugged and held in a clean Christ like manner.  Hugging has an amazing way of filling a need and in the process of filling a need our cups are filled also.  I believe that spirits actually communicate with each other in a hug.

#3  Do men often get aroused when hugging other men?
Funny thing is, you would not believe how often that happens to men.  From a brief arousal to complete erection, it happens.  Most men are just to embarrassed to admit it or fess up.  It is perfectly normal and you have nothing to worry about.  A man's body responds to affection in different ways.  If that is one of the ways your body responds,  don't freak out,  you are just a normal man with a normal working body.   Often  times men assume that if that happens there must be something wrong with them and 2 things normally happen.  The first thing thing they do is they just stop hugging and they keep their distance from other men.  The second is they start to think maybe they are gay and they become homophobic.  Men,  so often the things we deal with and assume we are the only ones who have ever had that happen to,  guess what,  it happens to most men.  Just relax and enjoy the hug and don't worry about whats going on.  Remember,  you cannot control what your body does, but you have complete control on what you do with it.  So ultimately you are in control no matter what you manhood is telling you.   Your the boss.

     I personally think hugging is a wonderful thing and feel that it is an important part of building strong good friendships.  I think you can learn a lot about another man when you really hug him.  I also feel you can lift others and share the love you have for them through a hug better than any other way.  Often times words just are not enough to express how we really feel and when that happens nothing can compare to a warm loving hug.  I personally live for the day when the Savior takes me in his arms and embraces me in a hug with his perfect love.   Can you imagine what that will be like.  I can and I have come to understand a small part of that feeling when I hug other men who have the same desires  that I have.

     So to wrap it up,  hugging is great,  don't let the fact that your body might respond in a way you are not comfortable with keep you from enjoying hugging other men,  Don't let what society says about men hugging keep you from hugging other men.    How sad to let a little things like that keep you from enjoying the joy that can come from a real man hug.

Now go find someone to hug and enjoy the experience.
Brad

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I Love That Man...

     I remember the day, just like it was yesterday.  I saw him for the first time.   I remember weeping with joy to see him.  It was as if I had known him forever.   I felt like I knew him and had known him and it was all I could do not to throw my arms around him and tell him "It's me, remember".   But of course I could not do that,  he would think me strange or weird.   But each time I saw him I had the same experience.  I remember one day I was in my yard and I didn't even have to turn around, I knew he was outside his house.  I turned around, saw him,  and sat down and wept for joy.   I remember thinking,  I love that man.

    I had just moved from Chandler to Mesa Az.   I was leaving some great friends in Chandler and prayed with all my heart for a friend in the new area.  It had been a trying time for us to make the move and I really wanted a friend.   He lived caddy corner to our home that we had just purchased.  We were members of the same ward, congregation.   I would see him at church and my heart would break,  I wanted to be his friend so bad.  

    One day I could not stand it any longer.  I told my wife I had to meet him.  My wife knows me well and understands me completely.  She encouraged me to go.  I walked across the street and knocked on his door.  They let me in and I introduced myself.   It was all I could do to not just throw my arms around him and hug him.  I had to clasp my hands behind my back and hold them tightly.   I was thrilled beyond words to have met him.  Wow.  

    A few days later his sweet wife was going for a walk with her children and stopped by to say hello.  I broke down in tears as I told her that I loved her husband.   

     This man and I have been best friends now for 24 years.  I love him even more now then I did back in the day.  The moment we meet it was just as if had started off where we had left off,  I believe  leaving off was before we came here.  I have had the strongest feelings of having known him forever and from that experience I have learned to trust those feelings.  

    I remember just a few weeks after we had meet I was with family.  I mentioned that fried doughnuts sounded really good.  The phone rang and he said how good doughnuts sounded.  We hung up and I made doughnuts.  A while later I had a plate ready to take to him and the phone rang,  It was him asking when the doughnuts were going to be done.  He said that he knew if he called me I would make doughnuts.  That is how our friendship was from the very moment we met and still is.   

     The next few years were a great blessing in our lives.  There was an actual dip in the pavement from our going back and forth across the street to each others houses.  We both had small children and responsibilities of providing for our families.  We would shop together every Saturday evening  and most Sunday's we ate together.  Our friendship grew and grew.   True friendships handle hard times.   When he moved I was  broken hearted.  I  could not even talk about it.   But our friendship only grew.  Even when he moved to Virginia, it was great.   All the way over there our spirits were connected.   I think twice he sent money not even knowing why, but just feeling impressed we needed it.  I never mentioned to him the hard times we were having, but he knew.

     He has always been there and at any moment he will drop what he is doing and come when I call.  Sometimes it's just the need to see him, other times there are needs and he is always and has always been there.  We are completely different in so many ways.  He is well educated and a born leader.  He is disciplined and committed in ways that amaze me and baffle me.  He is kind and wise.   I feel before we came here he was my teacher and I can see me sitting at his feet being taught.

     We can go months without speaking and the very moment we are together it is as if not a moment has passed.  We have always understood each other and have been able to share lives burdens with each other never having to worry about feeling stupid or less of a man because of our weaknesses.  When I am with him I desire to be a better person in every way.

    I love this man and I have to say that when he hugs me I feel it deep in my heart.  It is like coming home after a hard day.   There is a great power in  hugs and hugs have the power of lifting like nothing else.

     Now since this blog is about healthy relationships with other men I want to say some things here that might be helpful   I love this man with all my heart.  He is more then a friend, more then a brother,  we are kindred spirits.  It's hard to express how you feel when you have strong feelings like this for another man.  In today's society they would say we are gay.  That when you love another man that way you are gay and if you don't admit it you are in the closet.

      In saying that I want to say that not once in our friendship have I ever had the desire to have a sexual relationship with this man.   Not once have I ever even had the smallest desire to do something inappropriate with him.  There just has never been a need.  I get all I need from him from a good hug and just being in his presence.   It is more than physical, it is spiritual bond we feel and in that bond there  is no need to act out in any inappropriate manner.   In fact we have laughed,  we are very open in our relationship, but we have laughed in how sex would ruin what we have.  It cannot get sweeter then it already is and to add sex to it would destroy the sweetness that we share.

     My friend is gorgeous  to look at.  He is very well built and extremely handsome and he is totally a man's man in every sense of the word,  but he is also sweet, sensitive, spiritual, kind, and gentle.  He is not afraid to share his feelings, and he is not afraid when others share theirs with him.  He knows how to hug,  not the standard 3 second ones, but a good long hug that lifts the spirits and strengthens the friendship.

    It is through this friendship that I have learned to let others in my heart and through this friend I have learned how to make friends with others and really understand the strong spiritual bonds that can exist between two men.  From this friend I have learned eternal principles of friendship,  he has taught me that friendships really do start before we come here and if we recognize them and understand them, those friendships can become the sweetest part of this mortal life and if we treat these friendships with love and respect they will endure forever.  I cannot imagine this life without friends like him and I cannot imagine eternal life without the friendships here we have nurtured and grown by opening up our hearts.  I do love this man and am grateful for his goodness and his friendship.

Brad

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There are no Limits....

     I have been writing about men in my life that have had a profound effect on me.   In a recent discussion we were talking about best friends and just friendship in general. From that discussion and many more I have come to understand that we put so many limits on our hearts.  From an early age we are taught that if we have just one best friend in our lives we are lucky.  What's up with that?  Talk about limits,  that statement surely limits how many best friends we let into our lives.   And once the goal is achieved we start thinking we have arrived and give no more thought into building best friend relationships with others.

    How tragic to block out meaningful relationships with others simply because that space seems to be taken.  The same principle applies with our hearts.  We place guards around our hearts to protect it from hurt and from caring for to many people at once.  Do we not understand the capacity of the human heart.  THERE ARE NO LIMITS ON HOW MANY PEOPLE WE CAN LOVE OR HOW DEEPLY WE CAN LOVE THEM.  The only limits are the ones we place there.  If we truly understand Christlike love and look to him for the standard we start to understand that we have an unlimited capacity to love.   We have the ability to love as many as we want and love them as deeply as we desire.  That is true Christlike love.  We cannot walk through live with limits and with fears of being hurt or rejected.  Hurt and rejection are a part of life, but the true joys come when we reach out and feel the love and joy that can come from taking the guards off our hearts.  Take down the walls and start to experience life.

     We are taught that there are really only two things we can take with us when we die.  One is our knowledge and the other one is our relationships that we have formed and cultivated.  How sad it is to see lonely people simply because they were afraid of being hurt.

    So for me I will continue looking for best friends.  I have several and would not trade one of them in for anything.   Each one is special to me and I have received different gifts from each one.  Each friendship has brought me joy in many different ways.  Some of my friends are ones that you work at to build the friendship and others are the type that the instant you meet them you are best friends.  Each type has taught me valuable lessons that have enriched my life and given me direction and purpose.   I can go months and months without any communication from most of my friends, but the moment we connect it is like we never were apart.  Some need more contact then others.  Some can go for years without communication, but the sweetness never leaves.   I have found that life is busy for everyone and sometimes it just flies by, but I have learned that is ok.  I used to stress over that, but I realized that if life is busy for me it is busy for others.  So I enjoy the moments we can talk or send a note or randomly meet up some where.  True friendships increase in depth and beauty over time.

     We all need to open up our hearts and take down the guards that put up that keeps us from enjoying the meaning friendships that often times we pass up.   God has given us the incredible ability to love with out limits,  as many and how deeply we want.  I want a life full of meaningful deep relationships that not only blesses my life, but gives me the much needed experience of loving and giving freely of myself to others.  This is were some of the greatest joys come from in this life.  As we open our hearts and love those around us and take the time to cultivate relationships live can take on more meaning and purpose.  One of the main purposes of life is to lift others around us and as we work on building meaning relationships it opens the door for greater opportunities to serve and lift others around us and in the process of lifting we are lifted up beyond our natural ability to do even greater things.

     I truly hope your life is filled with meaningful relationships and I hope that because of your efforts to reach out and touch those around you that your life is filled with joy and completeness.  If you are feeling lonely and sad, perhaps its time to make a new best friend.

Brad

Become a member,(on the side panel) and recieve notice when we post a new blog entry. You can also respond, comment or ask for informations about our JADE group by using the link on the top of the side panel.  Thank you.