Overcoming My Perfect, Normal Self

I'll introduce myself as Jim.  I have become friends with Brad and have started writing some of my thoughts and feelings down.  In sharing my writings with Chef Brad, he's invited me to contribute to his blog.  Here are my thoughts from this week:

Too many times those of us who consider ourselves to be spiritual men, and who experience same sex attraction (SSA), or say we are gay, focus on the ideal person we think we should be - be that physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually.  I know in my experience I have obsessed over being more physically attractive, or more active, or that I do everything perfectly.  I have pined to be someone else so many times in my life.  

While I think everyone probably goes through this to some extent, I can speak for myself that I feel I have gone through these scenarios more often than not to an unhealthy extent!  And in speaking to men in similar circumstances, I don’t feel this is uncommon. For myself, much of that was brought on by the fact that I was trying to ‘overcome’ my attractions, and felt that I had to be ‘perfect’ in order to be ‘normal’. 

There are three issues here and they are all in quotations in the paragraph above: ‘Overcome’, ‘Perfect’, and ‘Normal’.  Let me start by giving the overused quote of the century (I love hyperbole), ‘Normal is a setting on my washing machine’.  Perfect, in the modern English sense of the word, is unattainable.  And to overcome something, you must have something ‘wrong’ to overcome.    I’d like to explore these three concepts. 

Overcome: 

I’ll start with ‘Overcome’.  While I cannot speak for everyone, I am a pretty good authority on myself.  I was three or four when I started to know I was attracted to men.  I can’t remember a time I wasn’t.  I also can’t remember a time that I was ever attracted to women.  I don’t come from a background where people would think there would be a ‘reason’ for me to be gay. I didn’t look at pornography at all through my youth or even as a young adult.  It wasn’t available and I didn’t feel drawn to it.  I wasn’t abused or mistreated.  I never had a sexual experience until I married my wife (Yes, I am married - that is another paper).  I am simply a gay man.  It’s that simple.  Say what you will, I feel I was born that way.  And it’s a part of who I am.  What, then, is there to ‘overcome’?  

I believe the biggest thing I need to overcome is the sense of shame and desperation I felt for decades before finally coming to terms and being honest with myself.  I don’t need to overcome the attractions.  I would never tell some man who has always been attracted to women that he needs to overcome that attraction because it’s perverse.  To me it’s unnatural to be attracted to women, the same way it’s unnatural for him to be attracted to men.  Our attractions are the exact same thing - attraction, plain and simple - , just focused on different genders.  But for some reason, society has said that the attraction in and of itself is something that should be overcome; that it is shameful.  Because of that, too many people have lost hope and fallen away.  Some have forsaken family and friends and others have, in desperation, taken their lives.  I feel much of this heartache is done to ‘overcome’ something that, in the case of many like myself, could never change.  

I know that my attractions are not going to change.  They are what they are. However, I can determine what I will do with my attractions, and I can overcome the temptations to go beyond the bounds of my marriage.  However, the attractions are there.  I have learned that while I need to overcome temptation, the attractions are not to be overcome.  

I should rejoice in the fact that because of these attractions, I am better able to empathize and sympathize with my fellow humans.  Because of my own inner struggles over the years, I see things in a more open and loving light.  My understanding of the whole world is broader because my attractions made me think beyond just myself.  They helped me to grow into a better person than I could have been without them.  I have learned the true meaning of sacrifice.  I have learned the true meaning of kindness, understanding, forgiveness, and love because of my attractions.  Is that to say those who don’t experience what I do can’t have the same understandings?  No!  Of course they can, but they have to go about it a little differently than I’ve had to. 

In the past, too many times I felt I needed to overcome the attractions.  I focused on the wrong part of what it was that I needed to overcome.  I feel we need to teach our brothers that overcoming is not to overcome what I believe God has given us.  It is to use what we are given to make the world better!  It is the world, after all, that we are to overcome.  I invite myself to find out why I was given this amazing opportunity to experience life in a different way than so many others!  It’s not something to overcome!  It’s something to embrace and understand. 

Perfect: 

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the scripture found in the New Testament book of St. Matthew 5:48, that reads, ‘Be ye therefore perfect even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect’ is misunderstood at best and mistranslated at worst.  I think too many people misinterpret the scripture and don’t understand the true meaning of it.   I know I didn’t.  All my youth was wracked with torment and guilt for not being able to be ‘perfect’.  

I idealized that perfection meant that I would get straight ‘A+’, would look like a model, would be good at everything I tried to do, was perfectly gracious and kind to everyone no matter how much I didn’t like them, and generally had everything in complete order.  In other words, I should have been made out of plastic and my name needed to be ‘Ken’.  No offense to those who are actually named Ken by the way…. 

No one, and I mean NO ONE can or should live up to those expectations.  I however, felt that in order to ‘overcome’ my attractions, I needed to be perfect.  I somehow had the distorted sense that if I could only do everything perfectly, God would somehow take it all away.  Of course I know better now.  I know that isn’t God’s plan or his way.  But I didn’t understand that for a very long time. 

Let’s look at the word ‘Perfect’.  Over the past years, at church, I have heard the word perfect translated as ‘whole’.  The scripture would read, ‘Be ye therefore whole...’.  That is nice, but means little without further thought and research.  

As I looked up this specific scripture, I ran across an interesting reference that I would like to bring up here.  It is found at: http://hermeneutics.stackexchange.com/questions/4900/what-did-jesus-mean-by-be-perfect-in-the-sermon-on-the-mount

This reference indicates the word in Greek actually means ‘Love’.  Love as God would love, without partiality or justification.  In other words, love unconditionally.  Wow!  It may be easier to be perfect than to love unconditionally.  We may say we love unconditionally, but do we?  I know I don’t.  I judge.  I don’t have complete compassion. I don’t help everyone in need.  Would I help an old lady trying to cross the street alone if I could help her? Yes!  Of course I would help her.  And society expects me to.  It would be a soul-less person who didn’t help her!   But how about the crazy homeless guy without teeth, who smells, is yelling at everyone, and might try to rob me?  I would most certainly think twice, or even fifteen times about doing that.  

When we read it in our modern terms as ‘be ye perfect’, the scripture is very self-centered.  But reading it in the terms that I believe it was meant to be read - love without prejudice - that turns it upside down!  That is the opposite of worrying about one’s self.  The scripture is very unselfish when you put it into that perspective.  When you love - truly love - unconditionally, you don’t think of yourself at all.  You aren’t concerned with your problems.  You don’t feel down because you aren’t ‘perfect’.  

When we love unconditionally, we feel compassion for the homeless man.  We desire to help him as much as we would help the old woman who is trying to cross the street.  God loves us all.  He knows our beauty.  He knows us better than we know ourselves, because we are His.  I’m not saying that we all go out and help the homeless man - that’s up to you.  You could be putting yourself in danger.  Prudence is needed in today’s world (yet another paper).  I am just using this as an example.  But it does make me stop to think about what I am thinking when I pass up the opportunity to help and from whom I keep my distance. 

Once we can love others without concern for ourselves, then we have found a place where we can be closer to ‘whole’ in my opinion.  We stop thinking about ourselves and do what we know will make the world a better place.    

I challenge myself to stop worrying about being what the world sees as ‘perfect’.  I am not going to be a Ken doll nor do I think God wants me to be.  That doesn’t stop me from wanting to look my best and be the best I can be.  The difference is that I do it for higher reasons: health and longevity, etc., and not for vain reasons.  I challenge myself to do what I can to love others to the best of my abilities, and the way I imagine God would. 

Normal: 

All my life I wanted, and worked to be ‘normal’.  I consider many people ‘normal’.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  The world needs all kinds. Those perceived as normal and the eccentric.   But if we looked into the lives of the ‘normal’, they are far from boring and they are no where near normal.  No one is ‘normal’.  And I have learned that outward appearance has little to do with what is inside. 

Everyone is unique.  Everyone has so much to offer the world.   I however, don’t want to live my life under the radar - or as ‘normal’ - any longer. I spent too many years trying to do everything NOT to be noticed; to be ‘normal’.   I want to experience life as the person I am.  I don’t feel God wants us to hide our true character.  

I know someone who had a great saying that I feel fits this situation perfectly.  ‘No matter how much you try to hide it, the real you will always come out’.  Ain’t it the truth?!  I am not saying we go out and do crazy things that could jeopardize our lives or the safety of others to make up for never doing crazy things as a kid. I am not saying I want to go out and yell from the rooftops to everyone about every ounce of my business.    I am actually a very private person - that’s just my nature.  I am not going to be the kind of person going out with rainbow banners, marching in a parade just because I need to ‘come out’.  That would not be authentic to my personality.  I am not against those who need that in their lives.  I just need and want to live my life authentically.  I cannot be the person I am supposed to be if part of me is hiding in a dark corner of my soul.  

Over the last three years, I have worked on brightening up that dark corner and letting the true me shine forth.   As I have done so, the old ‘normal’ me has started to vanish. Sometimes the true me is not very pretty.  Other times it’s marvelous.  In the end, the most important thing is that it’s me without any apologies 

I have done things I never thought I could do.  I have made friends with men on a level I never had before, and never thought I could.  And guess what?  I am happier and more fulfilled because of it.  I have felt grief and loss more deeply than I ever did before.  This might sound like a bad thing, but I had lived my life guarding myself from feelings in order to maintain a facade to keep people thinking I was ‘normal’.  Now I feel.  I never understood or felt like I loved anyone or was able to be loved.  Now I know the joy of love on multiple levels and enjoy the knowledge that I am loved.  

I argue that ‘normal’ is unauthentic.  At least my idea of what normal is.  None of us is normal.  

We each have a light inside that shines differently from everyone around us.  Together the mosaic of light from each individual creates an amazing and beautiful picture.  My light was dim for so long.  My part of that picture lacked it’s true beauty. I hope I can continue to find what it means to be authentic to myself: That I never stop growing into the person God, not the world, wants me to be.  I am a beautiful work in progress.  I am not perfect, but I hope to love without bounds - this includes loving myself.  I no longer desire to overcome my attractions.  Now I want to overcome my weaknesses.  I no longer feel a need to be normal.  I want my ‘abnormal’ light to shine as a positive beacon. 

Jim

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Bromance.. What is a Bromance

Bromance is the big buzz word today.  It's the new friendship word.  It's also a word that is hugely misunderstood.  Bromance is often thought of as a gay word.  An acceptable word for being gay.  But it is not about being gay or having a sexual relationship with another man.  It is all about building positive healthy friendships.  Here are a couple of definitions that I have found.  One is from Wikapidia and the other is from Urban Dictionary.  


This is the definition according to Wikapidia 
A bromance is a close, emotionally intense, non-sexual bond between two (or more) men. It is an exceptionally tight affectional, homosocial male bonding relationship that exceeds that of usual friendship, that is distinguished by a particularly high level of emotional intimacy. 

Urban Dictionary  Bromance -noun 

1. A non-sexual relationship between two men that are unusually close.
2. The act of wooing a fellow male friend for the purpose of becoming closer.
3. Going to unusual lengths in an attempt to become closer with another male friend. -

 Also know as Man Crush:

Bromances are also called "man crushes" because of the level of affection the guys feel for each other. It is an intimate personal non-sexual relationship between men.  

  I have found that in today's world men are more than ever before seeking friendships. Not just friendship, but meaningful intimate relationships with other men.  Men crave and need to have tight, close relationships that exceed normal friendships. 

    Is it possible for men to have Bromances - a non-sexual, close relationship with another man?  It is possible and highly recommended.  Men need other men. 

    I started a group called JADE over a year ago. JADE is a group that meets monthly and was created to teach men how to have effective, healthy relationships with other men.    I have learned a lot about men and their needs since starting this group.  The number one thing I have found is that men need other men, and want close relationships with them.  Often times we think that only men that experience SGA or SSA want or need other men in their lives.  I have found that most men desire close meaningful relationships with other men.  There is an in-born need to have those types of friendships in our lives.  When needs are filled by having these close healthy relationships, men are better adjusted and happier. 

     Men need intimate, close relationships, now more then ever.  Life is tough and men need emotional friendships to lift them through the tough times.  There is just something about having the support of another man on the Journey.  Men think alike and understand each other.  Close, intimate relationships between two men can offer uplifting strength to overcome the challenges faced in today's world.  Men were, and are still meant to be in close-knit relationships that offer more than just a casual friendship.  

     I have learned from all the men I have interviewed and talked with over the past couple years that men who take the time to take down the walls; to let other men into the private workings of their hearts and minds, enjoy a life that is more balanced and content.  
I have found that men who experience SSA or SGA benefit from developing close intimate relationships with other men.  The strong desires to act out on those desires is greatly diminished, or often it even leaves.  When men are able to develop and enjoy meaningful intimate friendships life just gets better.  

     That just proves to me what I believe in my heart to be true.   We need each other and we are designed to be close.  When we deny that eternal need to bond with our brothers, we deny the greatest blessings in our lives.  I for one love and enjoy the wonderful, meaningful friendships that I have developed over the years.  I have learned when I meet a man and feel a connection to him, and act on those feelings, the end result is always  meaningful life-blessing friendships.  

      It does take courage in today's world to admit you want a bromance in your life.  It takes courage to admit you might have a man crush.  Does that mean you are gay? It doesn't have to.  It means you are following the God-given desire to enjoy closer, more meaningful relationships with your eternal brothers.  I for one enjoy great Bormances in my life  and I do have an occasional man crush.  The benefit is I have many wonderful friends that bless my life in ways you cannot understand until YOU experience a Bromance of your own.   

Have a great one.

Brad

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Kneading Brotherhood, A New Approach to Men to Men Relationships

     I am baker at heart.   I love everything about making bread,  from the feel of the dough to forming loaves and the smell as it bakes in the oven and of course who does not love the taste of fresh baked bread right out of the oven.  It is an amazing thing when you think about it, the bueaty of fresh baked bread.   Simple ingredients and a little mixing, and some patience and the result if food that taste and smells like it comes directly from heaven.  

     For the past year and a half I have been working with men who struggle with forming healthy man to man relationships, from SGA to homophobic men,  from men who are jocks to feminine, I have discovered that most men no matter where they are in life need other men in their lives.  It is just a plain and simple fact we need each other.  Some more then others and in a variety of many different ways.  

     The huge problem in today's world is that we have no idea how to make and keep these amazing relationships with everything that we are being bombarded with.  We have do idea how to develop healthy clean uplifting relationships with other men.  By that I mean having a man friend that is not a sex partner.  Having a man friend that is a huge part of your life in a very intimate personal way that builds and lifts without having inappropriate sexual relations.  Inappropriate would simply mean doing anything that is contrary to God's law.  I don't need to go into detail about that here, but I think you know what I mean.  

     In the process of working with these amazing men, I have developed a seminar to help men get on track.  It is a one night event called Kneading Brotherhood.  I have taken my passion for baking bread and developed a wonderful insightful evening designed to help men understand just who they are are how they can develop meaning healthy relationships with other men.  

     The course starts out by all attending making bread by hand and as it progresses they are taught principles and steps about how to develop great healthy male relationships.  

The course outlines some of the following topics.

     Who am I really...

     Same Gender Attraction,  how to deal with those feelings in today's world.

     Appropriate Touch

     Connecting with others.

     Man's Body

The course is taught in such a way that that those attending leave knowing exactly how to make bread, and they leave with a greater understanding about men relationships and how to develop them. 

 I have had great success this past year in teaching these principles and am so excited to offer this Amazing Seminar.  

The class includes a bread bucket, a Danish dough hook, batch of bread dough, laminated recipes and the lamenated steps to building healthy relationships with others.  

The cost in only $300 per person and only six to eight men are allowed to attend each seminar  The cost also includes one, one hour, one on one session with me after they have attended the course.  My normal coaching rate is $100 per hour.  

You can email me at www.jademenarizona@gmail.com  if you or someone you know is interested in attending this seminar.  A Kneading Brotherhood Seminar is a Life Changing Event.  

The First 8 people who respond will receive a $75 discount.  The first class will be on Wednesday night May 6th.  

Have a Joyous Day~Brad

If you are interested in attending a Kneading Brotherhood Seminar or just want more information our contact information is on the side bar.   If you have personal stories or questions you can e-mail me at the same address.  

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I AM NOT GAY....But....

     My daughter last night told me she was talking with a friend and the friend asked her "Is your father gay?".  Needless to say my daughter was shocked.  The friend told her that is the rumor going around, that her dad is gay.  He said it had something to do with a blog or something like that.  My sweet daughter kindly informed him that no, her Dad was not gay.  She said that he was a kind man and yes he did love other men, but mostly assuredly he was not gay.

     If the story stopped or started there it would be fine, but as it continues,  my wife get comments from long term friends with statements like "I knew your husband was gay" or " Is Brad gay and how are you with that".  Or people will tell me that their first impression of was that I was gay. Amazing that people can assume so much from statements made, first impressions, rumors,  or titles off my Blog.

     It is obvious to me that they have never taken the time to read the entire blog and really don't know me at all.  If they had read the blog or knew me, they would understand and realize that I am not a Gay man.  It is obvious to me that they are part of that judgmental closed-minded group of people that assume if you don't fit the norm of what a man should be you must be Gay.

    Wake up world.  That is part of the problem.  What gives you the right to place names on people because they don't fit your mold?  Cannot a man voice personal feelings of tender feelings towards another man and not be labeled Gay?  Where is it written that if a man loves another man that he must be Gay?   Why can two women have a tender relationship and it is considered normal, but if two  men desire a more personal intimate friendship they are considered Gay or something is wrong with them.

Cannot a man be tender?
Cannot a man be sensitive?
Cannot a man be feminine?
Cannot a man hug another man?
Cannot a man embrace another man?
Cannot a man crave friendship with another man?
Cannot a man be emotional?'
Cannot a man be not be a jock?
Cannot a man love chick flicks?
Cannot a man cry in public?
Cannot a man need to be understood?
Cannot a man find another man attractive?
Cannot a man be attracted to another man?

    I say yes to all of the above.  They can do those and more and not be a Gay man.

A Gay man is a man who willingly participates in inappropriate sexual conduct with another man.  PERIOD

With that definition,  I AM NOT A GAY MAN.  I have no desire to have that type of relationship with another man.

Just in case you have not read my blog is it all about creating healthy relationships with men.  It is about teaching men who struggle Same Gender Attraction and don't know what to do.  It's about men who just want healthy friendships with other men and don't quit know what to do.  Does that mean I am Gay because I see and understand a need in our society?  Evidently it does or so it would seem by the comments of some.

Please find out all the facts before you label anyone.  Regardless of whether it has to do with SGA, or any other things you might not understand.  We have to be cautious as we judge others.  Feelings can be tender and bruised easily by words or actions spoken in hast without knowing all the facts and the person.

On a better note,  thanks to all of you who understand and support what I am doing and have taken the time to read my blog or simply ask me where I stand.  I appreciate your support and love.

Have a great day.
Brad

Become a member,(on the side panel) and recieve notice when we post a new blog entry. You can also respond, comment or ask for informations about our JADE group by using the link on the top of the side panel.  Thank you. 

JADE Meeting, What is a JADE meeting?

    A little over a year ago we created JADE, Jonathan and David Experience, with the hopes of reaching out and helping all men create healthy man to man relationships.  The meeting is designed from those struggling with Same Gender issues to men who just don't know how to create healthy friendships and feel a need for that in their lives.  Our goal from the beginning to be a support for all men has not changed,  if anything our commitment has increased and our desire grown.

     Over this past year I have learned so much that it would be impossible to put in all down.  I would have to say that the most important thing I have learned is the basic inborn desire all men have to connect with other men.   The need arises from all different reasons and causes.  But no matter where is comes from or what the reason, men need other men in their lives.

     Our goal at JADE is to help men understand how to create those meaningful relationships and still stay focused on Christ.  I have come to understand that what the world is teaching is false and wrong.  They declare that men are meant to fulfill what ever the desire or need,  but as we understand Christ and his teachings we are to keep all desires within the bonds he has set.  As we do so we can find comfort and safety.  That does not mean we do not develop deep meaningful relationships with men.  I have learned and know it to be true that men can love each other deeply and learn to express that love to each other and never have to follow what the world is telling them to do.  Men can have meaningful deep loving relationships without sex or anything that would put in jeopardy their relationship with Christ.

     Each month we have a monthly meeting were we meet to discuss issues, support each other,  and learn better how to develop healthy relationships with other men.  I love these meetings and look forward to them each month and the association with men of integrity and strength.  These men all have different struggles,  like we all do,  and come to learn how to deal with them and to receive strength and support from other men who struggle.

      The meeting is open to all men who sincerely want to develop strong Christ like relationships with other men.  It is not a place to "hook up", but a place to meet and support.

     Often times we cook,  I have learned that we all love food and it is a great way to get to know each  other better.  We always have a lesson and we close with two activities that build and strengthen each other.

      I am inviting all men who feel the need to have healthy relationships with other men but don't understand how to do it in today's world that claims if we desire those type of relationships something must be wrong with us, to come and join us.  Come and learn what JADE is all about.  We meet every month on the first Tuesday at 7:00 pm.

You can email me at chef@chefbrad.com for more information.

Looking forward to  seeing you at a  future JADE meeting.


This month's meeting is an out side pizza party.

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Love Between Two Men, God's Way

    Life is an ever learning experience and each day brings growth and understanding as we move forward with faith and confidence that there is a God in Heaven and he is aware of us and our trails and struggles.

      Recently I was reading an article from one of my favorite sites,  The Good Man Project.  I love that site,  they have often some very good articles about life,  especially about being a man in today's world.  Some are really liberal, but there are many very good articles.  The one I was reading was titled "He and I Were Lovers But I Didn't Know It.

     That article prompted this article from me.  The more and more I read and study about SGA,  I am amazed at what the world is teaching us and how quickly we fall into what they are saying.  The "Gay" community would have us believe that most men to men relationships when there is an attraction should be sexual and that is the only way it can be.  Fact in point,  the average gay man will have over 1000 different partners in his lifetime. ( Source, Myth of Nonsexual Monogamy  www.advindicate.com )  That is pretty good evidence that they believe men relationships are all about sex.

     I have learned some pretty amazing things in my journey, especially when it comes to men relationships and sex.  My heart aches when I see many men making choices that bring sadness and discouragement into their lives all for sex.  We are taught that the Natural Man is an Enemy to God,  Just what does that mean?   For me,  I believe that it means that when we follow the natural man we do things that are contrary to what God would have us do.  The world is all about following the natural man,  if you feel it do it.  That seems to be the common practice and council that is given.  A friend recently asked a councilor about some feelings he was having regarding SGA,  his advice was if he felt it, to act.  That is totally in contradiction to what God would have us do.  Just because we feel something or are moved in a certain way does not make it right.  We must take what we feel and make sure it is in perfect harmony with the teachings of God.  If it is not in harmony with his teachings then those feelings are coming from the Natural Man.  Remember, the Natural Man is an Enemy to God,  always has been and always will be.  

     Sex out side of the ordained marriage of man and woman is simply wrong. Regardless of what the world would say, that law will never change.   We are taught that sexual relationships are to be reserved between and man and woman who are married.  God condones that and only that.   

     The world would have us believe that if we love someone the natural thing to do is to show that love in a sexual way.  We are taught to believe that we cannot really love someone and not participate in sex.  Love and sex are two powerful and separate things.  Sex in a God ordained relationship enhances love and tenderness.  Sex outside of that brings sorrow and heartache.  It is not about love, it is about giving in to the Natural Man when we choose to have sexual relationships with those God has not approved.  

     I have learned and have to come to understand in a very deep way that two men can love each other with all their hearts without having a physically sexual relationship.   This may come to a surprise to the world, but is it totally possible for men to love each other without sex.  In fact I will state that the love between two men that do not add sex to the relationship becomes sweeter and deeper and more meaningful over time.   There is a greater sense of respect and when the natural man is put aside the relationship takes on a spiritual side that is impossible to reach when sex is involved.  

     The Natural Man is an Enemy to God especially when it comes to man to man relationships.  Sex is not needed, even though the feelings are strong and the desire might be great, that does not make it right.  Keeping in line with the truths that have been taught from the very beginning and are still in effect is what matters most and when we do follow Gods law we find in our relationships a greater strength and peace that can only come from obedience.  

     As modern day Christian Men, we need to put aside the Natural Man and in the process love our brothers as Christ would,  completely, honestly, and with integrity and goodness.  As we do this our lives can become filled with meaningful deep loving relationships that will bless us in ways the Natural Man cannot begin to understand.  When we put aside the Natural Man understanding begins to flow into our hearts and minds that gives us the strength to Love and be Loved in a deep meaningful way where sex in not even desired, wanted, or needed.   

Brad

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I have a Question? About Hugs....

       I receive frequent comments and questions on how men should act and what is appropriate man behavior.  I think we are confused in today's world on really what is acceptable behavior for men.  So I would like to address 3 of those questions in this blog with more to come, that I feel need to be openly discussed and viewed.

#1  Is it appropriate for men to hug other men?
Absolutely.  Hugging is an amazing way to express appreciation, loyalty, admiration, respect, friendship, and yes love.  Hugging is also a very amazing way to feel another mans spirit and build a stronger friendship.   Hugging actually can be a very personal revealing experience that takes down walls and opens hearts to better communication and understanding.

#2  How long should a hug last and what is considered appropriate and acceptable?
There are of course those quick slap on the back hugs that most men are comfortable with.  They last 2 to 5 seconds and it's over.  To get the real benefit out of a hug try hugging for more then 15 seconds.  It sounds like a short time, but for most men it seems like an eternity.  I personally like longer hugs where you actually hold rather then hug.  Meaning you hold the other man long enough to feel his spirit and give back.   It ultimately depends on the situation.  Some times hugs need only last a few seconds,  but there are times when a longer hug in needed and appreciated.   To be perfectly honest there are men out there that actually need to be hugged and held in a clean Christ like manner.  Hugging has an amazing way of filling a need and in the process of filling a need our cups are filled also.  I believe that spirits actually communicate with each other in a hug.

#3  Do men often get aroused when hugging other men?
Funny thing is, you would not believe how often that happens to men.  From a brief arousal to complete erection, it happens.  Most men are just to embarrassed to admit it or fess up.  It is perfectly normal and you have nothing to worry about.  A man's body responds to affection in different ways.  If that is one of the ways your body responds,  don't freak out,  you are just a normal man with a normal working body.   Often  times men assume that if that happens there must be something wrong with them and 2 things normally happen.  The first thing thing they do is they just stop hugging and they keep their distance from other men.  The second is they start to think maybe they are gay and they become homophobic.  Men,  so often the things we deal with and assume we are the only ones who have ever had that happen to,  guess what,  it happens to most men.  Just relax and enjoy the hug and don't worry about whats going on.  Remember,  you cannot control what your body does, but you have complete control on what you do with it.  So ultimately you are in control no matter what you manhood is telling you.   Your the boss.

     I personally think hugging is a wonderful thing and feel that it is an important part of building strong good friendships.  I think you can learn a lot about another man when you really hug him.  I also feel you can lift others and share the love you have for them through a hug better than any other way.  Often times words just are not enough to express how we really feel and when that happens nothing can compare to a warm loving hug.  I personally live for the day when the Savior takes me in his arms and embraces me in a hug with his perfect love.   Can you imagine what that will be like.  I can and I have come to understand a small part of that feeling when I hug other men who have the same desires  that I have.

     So to wrap it up,  hugging is great,  don't let the fact that your body might respond in a way you are not comfortable with keep you from enjoying hugging other men,  Don't let what society says about men hugging keep you from hugging other men.    How sad to let a little things like that keep you from enjoying the joy that can come from a real man hug.

Now go find someone to hug and enjoy the experience.
Brad

Become a member,(on the side panel) and recieve notice when we post a new blog entry. You can also respond, comment or ask for informations about our JADE group by using the link on the top of the side panel.  Thank you.