Monday, February 13, 2017

Am I Doing All I Can~Finding Peace

Recently as I have been studying the promise of having the Peace that the Savior gives.  This thought has come up time and time again lately, from listening to others to pondering my life I have given a lot of thought to Peace.    I have to say that often I struggle with having Peace in my life.  I struggle with not feeling that peace as much as I would like and often I am left wondering if I am doing all I can to obtain that peace that comes from being a follower of Christ.  Life has many challenges and as I face them I look for peace and perhaps I don't understand it well, but for me often times it seems fleeting.   There are those moments when I feel peace,  but underlying the peace I feel is most often followed by a feeling of frustration and anxiety over life and what is ahead.

I have friends of many faiths and I think it is a universal struggle with most of us to do all we can to have that peace, but for some reason it is not always there and is seems hard to find.  How do I know if I am doing all I can, especially when I feel I am, and my life is still devoid of peace?  Does peace only come when I have perfected my obedience and faith?

For me it seems that in our perfection driven society often times I am  lead to believe that until I reach perfection peace will not come.  So I beat myself up and pretend I am good, putting on my smiley face and going about pretending the world is great when in reality it's seems to be crumbling at my feet.

For me  each day begins when I wake up with feelings of defeat.  I have struggled with this my entire life and have come to understand that it will most likely will be part of my life until the end.  I understand part of this comes from still struggling with childhood abuse and the other part comes from living in a society and church culture that demands perfection and expects it.  That leaves me feeling inadequate and venerable to the challenges ahead.  With family, work, church, and all in-between I struggle to find peace and direction in what lies ahead.

One of my Favorite sayings is "Trust in the Lord in all Things".  I love that saying but have discovered it's so easy to say and actually one of the hardest things in life to do.  Trust that even though my life is not where I want it to be it's ok?  Trust that I am serving where I am supposed to be?  Trust that after all that I have done my children will be ok?  Trust that choices I make daily to do the right is the right thing to do?   Trust that I am where I should be in my career?  Trust that if I keep working on it my marriage will just get better?  Trust that I will have employment tomorrow? Trust that daily choices are the right ones?

In every single part of my life I have to trust and the biggest one is "Trust that I am Doing All I Can". Meaning to me am I doing my part so I can trust in the Lord In all Things.  Am I worthy to trust in him,  am I worthy enough to receive his guidance and direction in my life?   Am I worthy enough to find the PEACE that comes from trusting in Him?

In a recent book I was have been reading I read a line that struck me to the core.  Elder Bednar, an apostle in the LDS faith asked a question of someone he was interviewing who was looking to be healed from a sickness.  He asked "do you have the faith not to be healed"?  Wow it hit me.  The question that come to my mind was "Do I have the faith to be happy where I am right now"?  Knowing I am doing all I can.   I am far from perfect, but I am anxiously engaged in trying to be better.  I realized that is all that is required.  Hope turns to faith and faith brings peace.  

I have found greater peace as I realize perfection is not required to received peace.  We hope for it, move forward with faith believing and in measure peace comes into our hearts.  Yes it's fleeting at times, but it does come and as we cling to the fleeting moments of clarity and peace we can move forward and overcome lives obstacles.

Am I where I want to be right now in any area of my life?  Not exactly, but after much thought I have decided for some reason I am where I am supposed to be.  I don't get it often, but one thing for certain is that there is a God and he does have a perfect plan for each of us and as we trust,  sometimes thats just putting one foot in front of the next, and move forward peace does come and understanding will feel our hearts.  And we will come to know through our trials and struggles that there is a Savior that has carried us and will carry us.

Am I Doing All I Can?  Probably not, but I am doing the best I can and each day I will try to be better.  Hoping, moving forward with faith that peace will come.  Life is a journey, a hard one, but we have each other to lift and help.  We are not alone in the process of becoming better and even when peace is fleeting we have hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

Have a great day filled with Peace and Joy