Friday, October 30, 2015

Affection or Attraction What is the Difference...

Today a very dear friend called and we had the most interesting discussion ever about Affection vs Attraction.  It was something I have been thinking about and it was so wonderful to hear those thoughts coming from him.  It was just what I needed to inspire me to write a new blog.  But...

....First let me tell you about this friend.   We meet a few years ago.  I have known his family for awhile, taught classes for members of his family and knew his wife well, but I had never had the opportunity of meeting him.  

Until one night when I was in the area where he lives teaching classes I get a call from him.  He stated that he had been thinking about me and wondered if he could come where I was staying and spend some time getting aquinted with me.  At the time I was staying at his parents home so it made it easy.  He came for the evening and we sat in the jaquisie and talked for hours.  From that night on we have been best friends.  Really best friends.  We love each other completly and totally enjoy life when we are together.  We live in different states, but we talk when we can and completly enjoy our friendship.  He is one of those friends that I feel I have know forever and we are so comfortable with each other.  He tells how for a few nights he could not sleep thinking about me and wanting to meet me.  I am so glad he followed that feeling for now we share a really close wonderful friendship.  Once when we were talking on the phone, after we hung up his wife commented, "You guys really love each other don't you".  He laughed and said "I guess we do".  

He even made the effort once to travel from where he lives to experience "Third Sunday Dinner" at my home and my family loved him and enjoyed his company as much as I do.  We are years apart in age,  my family is raised and he is right in the middle of it all, so we don't have a lot of time together, but it does not matter.  Friends like that just pick up where they left off.  He totally makes me want to be a better person and his insight and thought process gets me thinking.  I throw some pretty crazy stuff at him and he is always prepared and understands exactly where I am coming from.   This friend has absolutely no Same Gender Attraction.  

From him I have learned to be more Christlike in my dealings and I have learned that no matter where we are in life we can benifit from each other.  I have learned that really good friendships don't require a lot of time and when we follow impressions great things happen.  From his friendship I have learned just how large the human heart can be and that there is always room for more.  I love meeting like minded men,  meaning men that understand the true value of healthy meaningful intimate, non sexual relationships with other men.  These relationships are priceless.  My friend, I thank you for your friendship and constant encouragement in all things.  Forever grateful to have your friendship, your family, your time, your goodness,  and brotherly love.    Now back to the article....

So one day he sent me this text.....

There is a difference from affection and attraction.  Affection is something that is a gift of God.  It is built around the pure love of God.  It allows us to get emotionally close to someone.  Attraction is something we learn over time and caused because of the affection we have toward someone or something.  I am attracted to the vagina.  But I learned that over time.  When I was a boy, I was naturally affectionate towards women (my mom). Later I became affectionate towards girls.  But it wasn't until I was exposed to the vagina multiple times that I began to like it.  Attraction causes us to to act upon our affection.  My son is affectionate towards a young girl.  But if u showed him a vagina, he'd likely gross out.  Affection towards people of the same sex is not a bad thing.  It is when we act upon attraction which is physical which is bad.

So very well said.  It got me thinking a lot about physical vs. spiritual in relationships.   So I changed a couple parts of his text to not offend, but you get the picture.  We had a lengthy discussion on this topic and this is my angle on what he said.  

Affection in natural and as he stated it is a gift from God.  I agree.  In my thinking affection is spiritual.  It is love and we feel it towards as many as we will allow ourselves to love.  There are no limits on affection or love.  We are free to love or feel affection to whoever we want and as many as we desire.  Affection is pure and clean and has nothing to do with phycisal.  It is a feeling in the heart about how we feel towards someone.  It is a warm feeling and when we feel it we feel good.  There is no regret associated with affection and it can grow.  Affection can be with anyone and is totally acceptable and actually completely needed in our lives. Affection has eternal increase, meaning it will continue to grow forever when based upon good principles.  True affection is not selfish, does not know evil,  it has the power to lift  and uplift ourselves and more importantly those we are affectionate with.  

And Affection can lead to Attraction.  

Attraction is often physical.  Meaning that is it is usually based on physical things.  Like looks.  Attraction does often cause affection.  Often it is the attraction that leads us to make a friend in the first place.  But if we base the entire relationship on attraction, it leads to physical.  Physical is what can cause the damage in a relationship.  Physical is selfish.  It is about filling selfish needs.  When the physical overshadows the affection it can become an issue when acted upon in an inappropriate manner.  The entire challenge of this life is to overcome the physical man, or the natural man  Remember the "Natural Man is an Enemy to God".  Scripture states that is has been and always will be.  Scripture also tells us to "Put off the Natural Man".   

The Natural Man is motivated by physical things and attractions.  The spiritual man is motivated by affection and does not allow the physical to rule his life or actions.   Yes it can be hard and difficult to do that, especially when we are physical and it is a powerful part of who we are.  

I love the affection I have and feel towards my friends and I enjoy the affection they feel towards me. It lifts me in positive ways that bring me more light and understanding.  I enjoy more peace and joy in my life when I put aside the physical and lean towards the affectionate side of my nature.  

We are beings created to both physical and affectionate, spiritual.   

Thank you my good friend for a great thought provoking text.   

I truly hope each of you have the joy in building affectionate friendships that can bring you joy and happiness today and for years to come.  


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  1. I love reading your blog. I share it and it blesses my life and others.

  2. I love reading your blog. I share it and it blesses my life and others.

  3. Brad, This is so perfectly written to expound on a subject so many are afraid to approach. I love your perspective and insight. It rings true to my heart and I thank you for your courage. May many people continue to be blessed by your gifts.